Nervously Excited

Posted on January 08, 2008 @ 05:04 journal thoughtworks

So where the heck have I been? Well it’s a brand new year and it’s been busy. Right now Alli, Adia and I are living in a spare bedroom at Alli’s mom’s. It’s been kind of hectic moving out of our old place and shoving everything we own into a garage but also fun at the same time. (define fun for us, mO!)
This is my final week of work at MediaLogic and it’s a little sad to think that I wont be walking in to the ML studio next Monday morning, but it’s been fun. I received a lot of kind feedback from my last post. Thank you to everyone who took the time to write and leave comments, it’s nice to know that the universe cares and that there are kind people out there. I hope I didn’t paint a grim picture of being underpaid and up against all odds. In fact I’ve had a pretty good life and really the financial pit falls from last year are from my own doing. In fairness to ML, I receive a decent entry level salary!

School and ambition can be expensive, warn your spouse!

In other news, I stopped by the Calgary ThoughtWorks office today to drop off 2 passport photos and a copy of my driver’s license. I was all set to go to the 2 week immersion course in India, but I found out today that wont be happening. I’m a little disappointed, but at the same time flattered because they’re tossing me on to a project ASAP. Which means the ThoughtWorkers who were part of my interview process have faith that I’m ready to leap on to a project. There’s still lots of time for travel. sigh
I did find out which project that I’ll be jumping onto and who I’ll be working with. I’m so nervously, excited that I can’t wait to jump in and meet the team, but I also feel like I could vomit all over myself at the same time. (hopefully it doesn’t happen at the same time!)
I walked out of the office with a copy of “Pragmatic Version Control” by Mr. Mike Mason. My stack of books is increasing. I’ve now got “Extreme Programming Explained”, “Hackers and Painters”, “Introduction to Algorithms” and “Pragmatic Version Control using Subversion” waiting for me.
So I’m filled with many emotions these days. The transition between jobs is definitely a weird place to be in, especially when you’re leaving a place you enjoy working at. It’s definitely important to me to keep in touch with the guys at ML because I feel like I’ve done a lot of growing with them, and it also makes me want to reconnect with some of the people I used to work with.
I can imagine what it might feel like to be a young rookie entering the big leagues. If I get some ice time, I might even score a couple!
Some thoughts that go through my mind are?
“Did I over sell myself? I don’t think I did. I tried to be honest about my skill sets. I guess if I did, they’ll be exposed pretty quick. So I will have to ramp up quickly.”
“I hope I don’t disappoint the new team. I’m not sure what they’re expectations of me are, but I better work my butt off to exceed them.”
“Will I make it past the probationary period? Will the team even like me?”
I know these are just thoughts and most of them I shouldn’t even worry about. Just show up, work hard and be respectful. I still can’t help but think the above thoughts.
I imagine I’ll be the youngest on the team, I’m kind of used to it now. I was the youngest person to graduate from high school in my graduating class. I was always the youngest person in my class all through grade school. The benefit has always been that I got to hang out with the older kids. The disadvantage is that I got to hand out with the older kids. Sometimes it feels like I might have grown up to quickly, and sometimes it feels like I haven’t grown up quick enough.
I suppose my age is my advantage, and that doesn’t last for long. There’s always going to be someone faster, younger, and smarter then me. Hopefully, that doesn’t deter me from attempting to reach my potential but also doesn’t allow me to grow an inflated ego.
So what does all this ranting really mean? I guess inside I’m still just a 23 year old kid.